A Blayer on a Foggy Morning

Dear Chichel Siya:m, Creator God of the Halkomelem and other Coast Salish tribes, where I was born and grew up, even though I’m a Norwegian-Canadian,

Sheep, Lord, we got’s people a-shouting in the park beside my window . . . at 5:13 am!

Anyways, I was awake since around 4 something am.  Guess that’s why this blog is called “SLEEPLESS in T.I.”.


Father, where do I start?  Well, thanks that today I’m feeling a bit better than yesterday.  Yes, I know it’s not good to just be wandering around, focusing on my emotions, whether I’m feeling skookum or any other way at any given moment.  But, hey, I live in this skin!  


So yesterday I was feeling a bit down, coz after busting my ass for the past month, trying to pass this infernal LLQP exam, I went and scored only 51%.  On my 2nd shot.  Yeah, I know, 1st time I had hardly studied.  But really, this time I THOUGHT that I knew my stuff.

This entire study process, for the 40+ year old that I am, is really a learning process . . . ABOUT MYSELF!  I’m figuring out what makes me tick.  How I can remember things.    After reading once through the text about Insurance, Investments and Retirement, and went through the entire text again, recording it into MP3s.  I even took every single chapter test from the online education site, and recorded those into MP3s.  And the Glossary.  And the Know These Cold Factsheets.  

However, I think there were several reasons why I skunked out:

(1) they give you 4 hours of sitting on your dufus, and no bathroom break.  And I’m on Day 28 (yesterday) of my Juice Fast (no solid food, only fruit and veggie shakes or smoothies, plus soya or almond or hemp or bismati rice or coconut or rice drinks; I started at 196 pounds, now I’m down to 180 and holding for the past 3 days, for some weird reason.  Typically, I lose for awhile, then I plateau for a few days, then start to lose again.  That seems to be the pattern.

(2) so I also didn’t drink much breakfast, e.g., the soup my wife had made the previous night, for fear of passing pass during the exam, and making my neighbour fail the exam.  So I suddenly blanked out and felt weak in the middle of the exam.

(3) I also blanked on all the formulae, such as the linear and proportional and FV and PV and co-insurance, etc.  Sheep!

(4) all the info I had been cramming into my noggin just got stuck like a traffic jam in there.  Too much, too recent.  Stuck, stuck, stuck.  If you’re gonna pass, at least the info’s gotta flow, flow, flow.

(5) I really didn’t know my stuff like I thought I did.

There you have it, folks, I mean, Yahweh.  I even prayed the prayer I usually pray over my wife, son and father, with my right hand on their heads:

“The Lord bless me, and keep me and make His face shine on me, and be gracious to me.  The Lord lift up the light of His countenance upon me, and give me peace.”

To no avail.  Yeah, I know it’s not Your fault, oh Elohim.  Really, I didn’t know my shart.  Maybe it’s coz I didn’t lay my own hand on my hairy, or hoary, head.  Ho, ho, ho.

Anyways, as the Chinese say, failure is the mother of success, 失败是成功之母.

Keep trying, keep fighting, keeping winning!


Well, Yah, help me to chill out on the arguments with my wife.  Her fruit market isn’t giving her enough hours, so she wants to find more work.  I’m encouraging her to just focus on studying for the LLQP and not waste her time with any more low paying jobs.  And she says we’re $600 short on our monthly budget if she doesn’t work.  Uh . . . guess I can’t really argue with that.  Plus, who the Hades do I think I am, ordering my wife around?  Sheep, You’d think I still was a Christian Fundamentalist!  Well, I ain’t.  I’m a Messianic Liberationist, a totally different religion.  One that believes in women’s equality.  Right?  So I gots ta get all this Evangelical Baggage outta me brain, eh?

Help us get along, Lord.  So far, it’s been getting better.  


But really, in regards to getting along with the Mrs., and virtually every other area of life, I’ve been learning recently . . . 


For example, I have a friend who’s a Whiz with the stock market.  He tells me he has friends who tried and tried and failed.  Why?  Because their emotions get the better of them.

Dale Carnegie says if you want to Make Friends and Influence People, you have to control your emotions, and give the other person what THEY want, not what YOU want.

You want to overthrow your government?  Well, in studying Sun Zi’s The Art of War, and yesterday reading up on the Chinese 36 Strategems for waging successful war (although I’m officially Anti-War).  Here you can read all 36 in English and French.  Anyways, what I glean from these writings is this:

(1) you have to control your emotions

(2) you also must control your enemy’s emotions

(3) use wisdom


Holy Sheep, it’s a bit past 6 am.  Gotta get to studying soon!

Anyways, I’ve been reading this scrumpdillyicious book called 

The Starfish and the Spider: The Unstoppable Power of Leaderless Organizations.

Yahweh, this is a great book, for several reasons:

(1) My plans, by Your will and grace, for the entire Messianic Liberationist movement(s) are getting a huge boost through buying into Ori Brafman and Rod A. Beckstrom’s “Starfish Philosophy” wherein movements such as:

– the Apaches holding off the Spanish military rogues for 2 centuries

– AA helping alcoholics within a decentralised community

– Napster, Kazaa, eDonkey, eMule, Pirate Bay and other P2P file-sharing networks keeping MGM and other greedy music companies on the run

– Skype and its decentralised phoning system challenging the entire 100+ year old global telephone system

– Craigslist and its promotion of community

– Wikipedia and its awesome d-base of encyclopedia-like articles

– now I’m on the Burning Man Festival in the Nevada desert

Here are a couple cool articles on this concept:



I’ll probably blog more on this later.  


Started cycling again in North Turtle Island (Canada).  I did it 2010-11 when I returned to Beijing for a year to get re-married.  Cost me about $120 to get my bike in good working order!  And yesterday we bought a new bike for my wife at Sportschek at the nearby mall.  A Reebok.  Man, with all my anti-corporation shart, and I still at times like name brands!  Well, it was the best bike of the lot!  Anyways, we should be cycling more and more, esp as the weather (Your weather, oh Yahweh) cooperates.


You’re probably getting bored of my blayers, right?  Oh yeah, just want to say, I’m afraid to read Your Words.  That’s right: the Sacred Scriptures.  Why?  Coz I know that 


This is no small feat for someone steeped in Charles Swindoll, Ray Stedman, John MacArthur, this Study Bible, that Commentary, this fad, that movement, etc.  30 years in Evangelical Circles, holy crap!  It’s going to take more than a shake of the noggin to get rid of all that baggage!  So, like AA, we have to come up with some type of 12 step or however many steps are needed, for folks like me who still follow Yahweh, but without the Fake Church that invokes Your Son Yeshua’s name.

Funny, but most of the Ex-Evangelicals I see online are either:

(a) pro-Evolution/Abortion/Homosexuality, etc

(2) not believing in the Sacred Scriptures any more

(3) atheists now

(4) defected to the Catholics, or JWs, or Mormons, or Muslims, or . . . 

(5) “Liberal”

(6) some other Ism or Al

So are there any people out there who:

(a) have quit church

(b) wanna still follow the REAL Yeshua (Jesus)

(c) continue to wanna love and follow the REAL words of Scripture

(d) would like to form new “Starfish”-like decentralised, leaderless groups and movements that spread like P2P, Wikipedia, Skype, Craigslist, AA, Dale Carnegie, Apaches, etc.

(e) aren’t just online, but in my community

(f) believe similar things to Messianic Liberationism, such as anti-War, pro-Poor, F* the System, etc.


I want to find them, Lord.  Please direct me to them!


Ah, time to peace out.  Getting tired, plus I have to put in a couple hours of studying b4 work today.  Please bless the Monday of me, my wife, my son, my dad and mom, my siblings and their kids, my other rellies, my friends, my acquaintances, my workmates, my colleagues, the other future Messianic Liberationists and their sympathisers, the First Nations and worldwide indigenous peoples, and all the other folk who hunger and thirst for justice . . . . 

WE WILL BE FILLED! (Matthew 5:6)

Hey, the fog has cleared up already!  Thanks, Yah!

Peace out,



About sleepless in turtle island

Hi, I´m Dimitri. I have lived in Turtle Island for awhile now, so my cultural understanding is slowly improving. Also, I can see things in this place that boggle my mind. Thus this blog...
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