Blayer On A Cloudy Early August Morning

Dear Chichelh Siyam,

You are great.  You are awesome.  You are victorious.

None on earth compare to You.  

Your Name is wonderful.

Your fame has spread throughout the earth.


I guess there are those who’d discuss the weather first, including moi.  Well, it’s cloudy out there.  Maybe I’ll go for a walk in the park after this blayer.  Anyways, I’m in the office all day, so what does it matter for me if it’s cloudy.  We’ve had some pretty “hot” days, so today’s cooling down is welcome.



My wife and I are getting along better, thank you.  We’re doing more together.  We walk in the park, chat, read Scriptures together, debate the end of the world together, discuss finance, culture, etc.  I love her, she loves me.  


My son will come back for his week with me tomorrow after work.  He says he’s used to bouncing around between me and the ex-wife.  It’s a variety for him, that’s one plus.  Must be weird to have 4 parents.  I remember a seminar the pastor’s wife in Beijing had persuaded me to attend when my first wife was breaking up with me.  The only Southern U.S. couple basically said that divorce would lead to chaos for the kids: a step-parent here, a step-parent there, confusion, dismay, etc.  While I have no doubt that the negative effects of divorce are there, it’s reality.  I didn’t choose it.  True, I did let our marriage slide, thinking that it was an inevitable relational slide of two people with values that were (and still are) a world apart.  But after the initial anger for a few months, I did try to reconcile with tears, only to be told, “It won’t work, I’m seeing someone now.”  My son was playing in a distant kid’s room in the background as she spoke these words.  I remember the electric bolts of pain shooting through my heart, and the sense of utter desperation that poured over me like November rain.  Shit!  Never mind me, what about our son?  Who wants to be raised in a broken home?  I had been as a kid, and so had my ex.  One generation of heartache passed on to another.  

Cow dung happens, as they say, so a couple of lonely, confused, very very hard years followed.  I was like a bloody invalid.  And after I had switched to a higher paying job and was doing well at it (or so I thought), and I had new friends galore, and was making progress on all fronts, my employer announced to me I was laid off due to restructuring.  

Crash!  I sent out resumes after that with no results, was booted out of my dad’s newly renovated farmhouse that he had invited me into while he continued to live in his comfy cabin and finally drove cab for the Vancouver Olympics.  Made no money, but Hades, I sure learned a lot.  About people.  About myself. About You.

Then I returned to the Land of a Billion Plus Faces and remarried.  Yes, I had found someone who loved me.  I would do anything for her, even leave my family in North Turtle Island (Canada) for a year at her request.  6 months before the wedding, 6 months after, and then I came back to the Wet Coast of Canada.  Got depressed while waiting for my wife’s sponsorship to go through, ate ate ate, watched various Jackie Chan flix and episodes of Corner Gas online, and shot up 30 extra pounds.  

My love came here, I got out of depression, we went hiking every weekend and slowly I got involved in the healthy life.

Fast forward a year and here I am writing this blog.  Producing more than consuming.  

I am thankful.

We have a new apartment, bought my wife a bike so we cycle all the time, we are studying hard to enter the world of Finance Careers, my social service job where I speak Chinese all day is going well although I’m bored at times, and my wife and son seem happy and get along better and better each week.  


While I’m not alarmed about issues that seem to resolve with difficulty, or the hindrances that seemingly stand in our way, I still need Your wisdom and strength to help me, help us, make it over the hump.  

Please help me communicate with Pops better.  My dad has encroaching Dementia, so it’s hard to talk to him.  He’s increasingly like a zombie.  Just have to be patient.

Help us pass this “bastard test”, the LLQP or Life License.  Yesterday I had a meeting with a potential new boss, along with my wife.  She asked most of the Qs, concerned as she is about whether we can actually make a go of it financially.  Well, she seemed reassured at the end of the rendez-vous.  I just have to pass the exam.  And she too.  And go through a few more hoops.  Please give us a boost to make it through all these hoops, Lord.  We need You!

The weight is still coming off.  Sometimes it remains stuck at one level for a few days, then suddenly begins dropping off again.  I’m currently down to 172 from 195, and counting.  October 7th is my end date.  I started on Father’s Day, June 17.  So that’s 111 days of Juicing.  And I’m exercising nearly every day, either cycling, jogging or doing home exercises.  So it’s going well.  The only issue now is buying new clothes.  The old ones are hanging off me like a flag on a flagpole.  

Well, I could pray about the world problems such as the impending world economic crisis due to American and European debt implosion, or the Batman killings in Colorado, or the Iraqi students filling up my office’s ESL classes, or the slaughter in Syria (I just met a student from Syria yesterday, with his wife and little child), or the upcoming U.S. election between Fascist A and Fascist B (no wonder Lupe Fiasco doesn’t vote!), but I’ll save it for later.  The world goes on, You go on, I go on.  

Watch and pray.  Pray at all times, don’t give up.  Pray without ceasing.  Pray for kings, pray for all people.  Pray for the peace of Jerusalem, big city in that Fascist state of Israel.  Pray for Babylon before she falls.  Babylon = the Western countries, especially the U.S., and all their bed-fellows.  Crowded bed it is!

Talk to You more outside, Chichem Siyam.



About sleepless in turtle island

Hi, I´m Dimitri. I have lived in Turtle Island for awhile now, so my cultural understanding is slowly improving. Also, I can see things in this place that boggle my mind. Thus this blog...
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